A Modest Proposal

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By Rachel Jones, circa 2009
Unlike the other content on this blog, this is not journalism.  

A nation divided, the endless debates, the protestors forever singing, chanting, screaming on the steps of the Supreme Court – this modern issue has caused great uproar, confusion, and separation among the people of this beautiful country.  The religious freaks are against it, the young ignorants are for it – but they won’t say it, because that’s just cruel, so they’ll create the front of “Pro-choice” as if not allowing people to kill their children was taking away their ‘rights’.  The abortion issue has caused great turmoil among this country, whether it’s in the courtroom or outside, on the news or in the homes the media reaches.  Marriages are torn, teen girls kicked out, babies left in parking lots because of this still unresolved issue.

What this country needs is a solution that will bring the divided parties together, so we can redirect our efforts into focusing on things of greater significance like how to save the whales and glacier melting.  But first, to answer the question, “To abort, or not to abort? That is the question.”  Which is essentially saying, “Should I defy nature and kill this little, innocent, helpless baby so that I can escape the consequences of my own actions without learning a thing? Or should I keep and raise this baby into a beautiful boy or girl?”  Of course, the easier one (and extremely less costly), would be to abort that thing and go on with your boring, depressing life, avoiding any situation in which you would be forced to make another decision because that guilt is still riding on your shoulders and the devil’s still snickering in your ear.

I have a solution that will save the souls of those who would abort their babies.  A solution that will keep the case out of the courts so other matters can be resolved.  A solution that will bring people together, save the taxpayers a lot of money, re-boost the economy, and increase the strength of our military to an extraordinary degree, making this country even more powerful.  This solution will rid those females of guilt, instead, they can smile, knowing they have done something good for the benefit of this country, and might even try to get knocked up a few more times just to feel that happy feeling when you know you’re doing something right.  My solution will abolish the draft so another Vietnam ordeal will never happen and male seventeen year-olds can forget about the possibility they’ll be shipped overseas on their birthday for a war they don’t believe in.  The entire nation will benefit from this solution.

Abortion is a waste of a great possibility.  My solution prevents this waste, in fact, turns a “mistake” into a very useful thing.  So when a chick gets knocked up, she won’t have to decide to kill or keep, she’ll decide whether to contribute or keep.  A woman will be able to choose between contributing the infant to the government, therefore benefitting the country, or keep it.  The perks of contributing it will be a decent salary for enduring the nine months of pregnancy and she’ll be rid of the infant the very day it pops out.  That part is very important.  It is government property as soon as it is separated from the bearer.  The infant will be raised and taught and trained by the government, and eventually shipped off as a perfect soldier.  Like a pawn in a very real game of chess, the Non-Aborted won’t be able to do much except take a place in the front line.  The Non-Aborted will not hold ranks in the military, because they will not be paid.  They are only the Non-Aborted, their own mothers didn’t want to pay for them, so the country’s taxpayers won’t.  They will do as they are told, much like fleshy robots.  They belong to the government, they are the property of the government.  They are not slaves, they are the Non-Aborted.  It is a privilege for them to even be allowed into this earth, but they won’t know what privilege is.  They will not be taught to think critically or to analyze.  They are the Non-Aborted, and they are a lower class than regular human beings.  Their biological parents will never know anything more of them except that they have contributed their would-be son or would-be daughter to the ranks of the Non-Aborted.  They will not know pain or love or suffering or hunger or happiness or any human emotion.  They will be raised into machines, programmed to do what this society requires of them.

Surely, the god-lovers will appreciate this idea, no more baby murders.  And the all-knowing teens will appreciate the nine months of salary.  The Non-Aborted themselves won’t be able to feel any sort of emotion about it, or form anything like an opinion.  The first batch will be the test-batch, studied to see exactly how the Non-Aborted male is to be treated and how the Non-Aborted female is to be handled to make certain they will abide.  This decreases waste tremendously, as well as provides a huge fighting force to our country, perhaps we could now take on China.  They will be fed and taken care of as far as where they will exist when not on duty, and other than that will not be of any cost to the nation, as they won’t be receiving a salary.

Today, abortions are a common, everyday thing.  A huge waste.  Adoption is a laugh, far too much paper work for most young women to want to even consider that process.  This will be a stress-free, easy way to get rid of your kid.  And it will be honorable!  A marvelous donation to this marvelous country!  Parents would be proud of any knocked up sixteen-year-old daughter who was giving their parasite over to the government.  Perhaps her salary could pay for her college!

I, personally, would never consider abortion or contributing my own DNA to the Non-Aborted, so obviously, I am not after that nine-month paycheck!  I am merely looking out for other young women out there, whether protesting or praying for forgiveness or currently debating the fate of the their unborn.  The Non-Aborted donation program would save the lives of millions and make them useful to this beautiful world.

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